Precious Memories

Lately, I've been inundated with thoughts of our Angel Princess Tater Tot.  It's hard to believe that in February of next year it will have been 4 years since she recieved her eternal healing.

As the months, and now years, have passed, I've found ways to cope in her absence. I'd be lying if I said that being without her earthly presence has gotten "easier." I spend a lot of time remembering the things that made her who she was (and still is in my mind). . .a "fighter."

Often times, people get so caught up in so much that really doesn't matter in the big scheme of things.  When I think of how I get impatient in traffic, or frustrated about what to wear, and all of the other trivial things I can get bent out of shape over; I realize that at end of the day, those things mean nothing.  What meant something to me was my Princess Tater Tot. I miss her.  I miss her so much. . . . Who cares about traffic and what to wear right?!? If only. . .

I've learned during my 37 years on this earth that for everything, there is a reason.  I don't understand sometimes what they are, but I know that they exist.  God in His infinite wisdom has a plan. While I don't think that He wanted to see me grieve and long for my daughter to be back in my arms, I do believe that He knew how I could use my grief to glorify Him.  Everyone has an appointed time to die and for my sweet Princess it was her time, for whatever the reason.  I envy her.  Her world is now perfect. I just miss her. 

I pray that in my daily walk I can use what I have learned and experienced raising, loving and advocating for my princess to someone else's advantage.  If I can make someone else's journey a little more tolerable, at least I know that my grief isn't in vain. I will forever carry my Angel Princess Tater Tot in my heart.  She owns a part of my soul.

May you walk around heaven all day my Princess! Mommy loves you dearly!

I said it and I mean it!

Today, I was thinking about what drives me to follow through with the commitments I make to myself and others.  Personal integrity, among other things, pushes me to stay true to the commitments I make and my sense of personal responsibility makes it very difficult to walk away without giving it my all.

The reason this has been on my mind has a lot to do with how I use social networking, but the concept applies in all areas of life.  For example, I am sure that the people who are my "friends" on twitter and facebook wonder why I post my workouts to my news feed.  Some could care less, but others, notice and even comment or "like" my post. For me, its about accountability. . . . personal accountability.  Its easy for me to say to myself, "I need to start working out and I'm going to start on Monday." However, if I say it out loud and to my "friends," I make myself accountable for that which I say.  It pushes me to stay true to my commitment to workout and lose weight.  It drives me even when I don't want/feel like doing it. Knowing that someone, is/may be following my example, keeps me going. I hope and pray that I have set a good example for someone.

So often, people refuse to commit because they don't want to be held accountable.  Thus, so many important works go undone.  Fear of commitment, can stem from many emotions from fear to anxiety. However, the fact still remains that the work must go on.

I, for one, plan to DO more and you heard it here first.  I SAID IT AND I MEAN IT!